Mom genes

Yesterday was one for the record books.

I slept somewhere in the neighborhood of 12 hours, managed to do very little on my chores list (one load each of laundry and dishes), and spent four hours with Mom without arguing or getting on each others' nerves.

That last bit is shocking and hopefully something that will continue.

I love Mom. She's given me a lot to be thankful for in life. She instilled in me an early love of the arts by taking me to the opera and ballet and symphony, as well as a great appreciation for visual arts by bringing me to her art history classes and museums whenever possible. Mom was my academic advocate, making sure I was given a chance to enter gifted programs in elementary and middle schools, as well as pushing for my entry into advanced courses in high school. She also negotiated with school officials so that I could spend a semester of high school in Israel.

Mom is persistent, which is something she passed along to me. She sets a goal and goes for it. She is a 33 year entrepreneur, and showed me that women can cook, sew and own a business...and often put me to work.

I called her yesterday afternoon to see what time and where I was meeting she and Grandma for dinner. She said, "Let's have an early dinner at Nordstrom, I'm at the mall already. If you're not busy, come on over now. You need a new pair of jeans, right. I'll get them for you. Call me when you get here."

And so, put the dishes in the dishwasher, put on a sweater and some shoes and headed out the door.

The jeans were an easy find. And, they were a size smaller than the last ones we got several months earlier! Mom mentioned that she saw some cute outfits I should try on, while we were there, to wear for Grandma's 95th birthday party next week. Who was I to say no?

We perused the copious options, and selected a wide array of floral prints, variations in navy and tan, sweaters, cardigans and one or two blouses. We even brought a few crazy patterns into the dressing room. The kind and helpful woman who helped us also selected a few pieces to go with random tops and skirts we thought might work well.

A couple of hours later and what seems like a thousand outfits and combinations tried on, we were pleased to have found what could be described as a new wardrobe for me for the next several months. I mean, I'll have to get a few sleeveless items for the summer, but I now have skirts and tops that actually fit my now smaller frame in a flattering way, and are versatile enough that I can wear them to meetings, on dates, and to synagogue or out on the town with minor tweaks to accessories and combinations of top layers and shoes.

While I'm really grateful for the clothes, the best part was the quality time I got to spend with Mom. Once I established that she didn't need to go on past one comment on the ill-fitting nature of an outfit, we went through the afternoon in peace, joking about my inability to wear the color mint near my face (although we did get a mint checked skirt), discussed our chests at length (especially our inability to tuck in a shirt due to the short distance between boobs and waist, along with her continuing commentary about how we should get a two-for-one reduction rate--or would that be four-for-one), and the common sense approach we took to the outfits ("Your father would love that on you." That was the line that always went along with a yes number).

One of the biggest successes of our shopping adventure is that I didn't let Mom into my dressing room. While I am pretty comfortable with my body, I am not comfortable with being judged about it. That's a hang-up I've had with Mom since I was young, likely stemming from my Weight Watchers membership at 11 years old. My family is not great with setting up boundaries, but this one was a winner. Mom had a comfortable couch to sit on, and could see my feet...and whatever I was stepping into at any given moment. We could hear each other, and we talked the whole time. It was really lovely. It was a bonding moment without being forced or having too many expectations.

We also had dinner together after making our purchases. We each had salads, and I ordered us a basket of sweet potato fries to go along with them. We shared them, both enjoying our dinners, and more conversation, about life and death, about planning and letting go, and about how people can surprise us. We even called Dad (so Mom could get his sweater size and buy him one before we left the store), and I was able to share my gratitude with him as well. Apparently, he's been telling Mom to take me shopping for a while. I will choose to see that as a statement of generosity, rather than as a statement of embarrassment at my shabby attire.

Honestly, it doesn't matter. I love my folks, regardless of their ability or interest in taking me shopping. Love has never been on condition of stuff for me. It's much more about having connection, about caring for and about each other, and about being present.

That said, I'm really excited to look pretty in my new duds!