Birds of a (shake a tail) feather

You've already been privy to the flock of starlings in my trees, but I haven't told you about the birds I love to see.

My grandma who has already passed on--the one who shared with me her love of gardening both vegetables and flowers, and who taught valuable lessons in how to be nice (because she wasn't all the time) and about the importance of caring for yourself before others (a lesson I am still trying to learn)--taught me about bird watching. We used to sit at her kitchen table, which doubled as the dining room, and look up birds in her guidebook while finding finches and cardinals, bluebirds, bluejays and woodpeckers.

Those sweet moments are some of my most cherished memories, and I still smile when I see birds in my yard, their colorful plumage brightening the winter landscape, portending the spring and summer colors ready to bloom from the landscape.

Weeks ago, I spied my first cardinal of the season. He was sitting atop the chain link fence separating my yard from one of my neighbors. I knew it was a he, because his feathers were bright red. Another lesson learned early on. Male birds are generally more colorful, in order to attract the females, whose colors are more muted, if not entirely different.

It begs the question, why do human women don ourselves so lavishly, preen and bejewel in order to attract a mate? Why aren't men working harder to attract us?

I have been single for a long time, often choosing to be alone, rather than putting myself in situations where I would have the potential to date, to meet someone with whom I'd like a relationship. It is easier in some ways to care for myself than to allow someone in my life to help me, to be a partner, to build a life together.

Maybe I should take a cue from the birds. It doesn't matter what I wear, but that I show up, that I hang out in the right place, that I look for a man who will attract me with his showmanship, his interest in me, his attention-getting schemes. For me, it's more simple than fancy outfits or gifts. For me, it's more about spending time together. It's about reaching out to me. It's about being there consistently and sharing in communication and commitment.

I wish it were as easy as being a bird. Then again, I don't love the idea of throwing up to feed my family. I'm much better with a frying pan.