Out of mind/body

In an attempt to squash my continuing middle-of-the-night insomnia, I managed to get a last minute appointment with my acupuncturist last week.

I started seeing him a few years ago because of a similar bought of insomnia, which was actually much worse. The sessions weren't just about getting me to sleep, they were about reducing the pain from a three week muscle spasm in my neck that kept me from turning my head, and about balancing my life so that I took time for myself, something I was oblivious to the need for at the time.

The funny thing is that years ago, 1998/9, I realized that I was doing what all my friends wanted, but not being vocal about what I wanted to do. I had no problems going along with my urban family to shows and parties, but sometimes I just wanted to go to a matinee. So, I started instituting Miriam Day every once in a while. I would take a day off and walk to a theater 40 minutes away, see a film, walk to a favorite restaurant a couple more miles away and then join my friends later on in the evening. It was a way to totally unwind, get some exercise and do a tremendous amount of people watching.

Similarly, when I turned 30, I instituted 30 Days of Birthday. I did one thing I wanted to do for 30 straight days. Anyone who wanted to join me was welcome, but not necessary for my enjoyment. That was a really good birthday month.

These days, most of my week is spent dealing with other peoples' needs. I love it in the moment, but it takes an exorbitant amount of energy that is not always easy to turn off. The same can be said for my other main job, which requires a great deal of strategic planning and research before I have incredibly intense conversations with very busy people whom I'm trying to get involved in controversial public policy issues. Those conversations tend to run on a repeat cycle in my head at 3:00 or 4:00am.

Acupuncture helps me let go of some of that energy and mental clutter. Last week it also helped me have a pretty trippy out-of-body experience.

While lying on my stomach, my back, shoulders and neck chock full of tiny pins, I felt my body become heavy. I don't mean regular heavy, I mean like G-force heavy, like it was trying to separate from itself. There was a duality to this feeling of weight with a feeling of weightlessness. I decided to go with it, embrace it, and see where it took me. What resulted was what can only be described as turning into breath. I was conscious of my body, but it was virtually nonexistent. I was there and not there. It lasted about 10 minutes.

This was not the first such experience I've had while pin cushioned. Given time, I may tell you about others. I can say that I feel a sense of calm afterward. I feel lighter, less burdened by the pressures of the world, the emotional baggage of others, the stresses of work and relationships, responsibilities and self-inflicted guilt.

While I still woke up for a little over an hour or so in the middle of that night, when I went back to sleep I did so for another seven hours...getting out of bed at nearly 1:00pm. Needless to say, I slept. Let's hope it happens when everyone else does soon. If not, I'm looking forward to going back to acupuncture and seeing what happens next.