(In)somn(i)ambulator

I have never been much of a sleeper.

When I was a little girl, I used to ask for at least five glasses of water. Partially I was thirsty, the other part was not wanting to miss out on anything. As the youngest in the family, I was put to bed first, so there was always something happening after my bedroom door closed and the lights were off.

I quickly learned that reading was the trick to staying up until everyone else had to go to bed. It also kept me from having to take naps, or at the very least gave me the ability to fake a nap by just being quiet with my book.

In high school, my brother and sister were out of the house, but Mom and Dad were asleep, so I couldn't keep the TV on or listen to the radio. I would listen to my Walkman sometimes, but more often than not, I would play solitaire--with actual playing cards--until 2:00am. I also made my way through most of H.G. Wells' and Rudyard Kipling's works, as well as writing letters to friends around the country.

These days, I have no problem falling asleep. I welcome it. At the end of the day, I make myself stay up until at least 10:00pm, just so I don't feel like my grandparents, whom I used to watch fall asleep in front of the their evening programs.

The issues come in the dark of night, when the world is at rest, when no one is awake for me to call. A couple of years ago, I used to awaken in the wee morning hours due to stress. I was worried about finding a job, finding health insurance, paying my bills, keeping on top of my community organizing career. These days I just wake up. There are no thoughts in my head other than, "Oh, crap. Why aren't I asleep?!"

I know I should get up and do something else, but I always think that any minute now I'll fall back asleep. Any. Minute. Now.