(Big and) small victories

In December I paid off my credit cards; as of June, I have emergency savings.

When I lived in Boston, I went to a full day of financial security workshops geared towards women and sponsored by the state treasurer's office. While there, I learned what I needed to be financially independent.

1) Have at least three months' savings to be able to pay all of your bills in case of emergency. (Since then, I have heard from other sources that you should have six months' savings.)

2) If you're going to buy a house, put at least 20% down and have at least $10,000 in savings for home repairs and emergencies.

3) Pay off your credit cards before you do anything else.

4) Put as much as you can in your retirement accounts each year and invest with diverse sources for a balanced portfolio.

I didn't follow all of the advice, nor did I follow it in the right order.

I bought a house with 100% mortgage and no savings eight years ago. I just paid off my credit cards six months ago. It took me nearly 10 years to have an emergency fund for regular bills. I do not have a home emergency fund. I have not been able to save for retirement outside of various 401(k)/403(b) plans for about 14 years.

Financial independence is not something easily attained. If you are in the middle class or are struggling financially, you are focused on eating, on keeping the lights on, on paying your bills on time or at all. Saving is a luxury, a privilege.

I was a small child when my parents opened a savings account for me. I brought my allowance, birthday and Hanukkah money to deposit, my pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters. All with purpose and reverence. It was important and it was mine. I was responsible for how it was to be used, how it was to grow. At that time, a penny was worth something, and inflation was high enough to make savings accounts useful.

These days, it is harder to know what to do with your money. I haven't had it in so long, I am loathe to fix the things that need fixing, take a well-earned vacation, buy clothes to replace those that are worn out or no longer fit.

I cringe each time I spend more than $30 at the grocery store. I do not buy myself flowers, but wait to see them bloom in my yard from seeds and starts I planted years ago.

My mindset has changed over these past few years of financial struggle. I still enjoy fine things, I just stop myself from purchasing them.

I look forward to a time in my life when I can both have the financial stability of enough savings for emergencies and enough cushion in my bank account that I can treat myself without guilt, treat others without anxiety, and treat money like pieces of paper.